I wonder if the young girls playing on the trampoline next door know that
- I can see them
- I can hear them singing You Can’t Stop The Beat from Hairspray
- they are really bad singers and
- I can probably get a YouTube-worthy video of them from my current position
gUYS I PUT ON MY COUSINS HOCKEY MASK AND STOOD AT THE WINDOW AND YELLED “STOP YOUR INFERNAL SINGSONG I’M TRYING TO MURDER HERE” AND THEY SCREAMED AND TRIED TO RUN AWAY AND ONE FELL OVER AND STARTED CRYING
sometimes i feel sad then i remember issac newtons hair
he may have discovered gravity but that luxurious flowing mane sure hasnt damn son
It’s not like you guys care or anything. But this is the sign I made for the ProLife March in Washington D.C this week.
It’s not like you care or anything, but Dr. Seuss was so pro-choice he threatened to sue the pro-life organization misusing and appropriating his words, this quote. Ha.
Dr. Seuss and his wife were lifelong supporters of Planned Parenthood. His widow continues to sue pro-life organizations for using this quote. BTW, the book was about the American post-war occupation of Japan. Not about fetuses.
this is so hilarious i’ve gained the ability of flight
try to close someone’s eyes like a corpse when you’re bored of talking to them
[first date voice] so tell me about your weather hobbies. fuck i mean, tell me the weather. no that’s not what i meant i was trying to say what are your hobbies. wonderful weather we’re hobbing. having. fuck
my dad accidentally called me dad once
mom, you were like a son to me
i’m watching Extreme Couponing and i just saw a woman rack up a charge of over $1000 and then her coupon game was so fucking raw by the end of it the store owed her $8. what the fuck
“her coupon game was so fuckin raw” is basically the best string of words ever concocted